White middle class male comedian

I'm a little late this fortnight in reaching for my laptop (I can't afford an IPad I'm a comedian for gods sake I can barely afford food) but this is a good thing as I have once again forced myself to write and found I'm a little better at it when I'm both on a deadline and a touch angry.

My anger has come from a number of things that have left me wondering if I'm just wrong and should shut up or if I'm right and should scream louder.

Anger is a great source of entertainment in a kind of morbid curiosity way, you want to see what's gone wrong much like when there has been a car crash on the motorway you have to have a look and sit back thinking that would never happen to you, so I will write about my anger and as readers you can decide if I'm angry for nothing or if I'm right to feel a little annoyed at the world.

Let's start with the reason I am writing to a deadline , well I have a solo show that is an hour long and is going on a mini tour, it was not my idea to try this but now I'm doing it I'm going for it properly, so to hear people at a similar level to me in the comedy world scoff that I'm not ready for this and should not be doing it has not bothered me too much (yeah you thought that was the anger part coming up)
The reason it hasn't bothered me is because a number of acts deflect from their own insecurities by pulling apart other peoples attempts to achieve something. It's only a small number that do this but they stick out like a sore thumb and it's frustrating. To be fair though, comedy brings some very deluded people out and they can do things badly which can damage the scene slightly so the self policing has it's uses, I just wish people did not use the one upmanship that they do although it is not the source of my anger. No the part of this that angered me was that some acts feel it is ok to talk to someone like shit just because they disagree with them. It's a world of ego's and character traits that makes comedians believe that they are above everyone in some cases (again a small amount but it's those that stand out)

One thing I see is acts using social media to belittle things that other acts do, this is covering up insecurities and creating an appearance that the act does not care about how well they are doing when of course they do but they may fail and admitting they were trying in the 1at place when they have failed is defeat to them.... STOP IT! Please just stop it (I was one of the people doing this but I have altered my stance and yes I'm trying really hard and it will hurt if I fail but I'm human I might fail... In fact statistics don't look good for me but I'm still trying!

So the way some acts are with each other has angered me, another thing that has caused me some anger is the way people treat each other. It's nothing new it's just something I am allowing to effect (or affect my English skills are not what they should be) me more maybe as I'm older. I'll start with my own personality, I used to be homophobic, sexist, racist with an air of snobbery and those were just my good traits! In some ways I still am as I'm a white middle class straight male so when I meet gay people, black people, women and those deemed poorer than me (I'm pretty poor but I have so much that others don't) I still think of them for the labels that they have placed on them although only in small quantities.

Now the bigotry in my head at school age very quickly left me and I have learnt not to be a total prick, but I see it everywhere and becoming a comedian has made me view the world differently meaning I read more into it. I play football for a gay friendly team, I'm one of only 5 straight guys from around 30 in the team and I went to Edinburgh to play an away match with them last week, we stayed in Edinburgh overnight and went out but as I'm skint I went home at midnight earlier than almost everyone else. When I got back to the hotel I had to be allowed into my room by the concierge as the guy I was sharing with was still out, the co concierge asked me if I'd had a good night and wher I had been, I said Habanas, CC's a d players thinking nothing of it and his face dropped, he muttered oh right the gay bars then.... It's this reaction that happens to so many gay men and women meaning they can feel inferior and it's deeply upsetting, but who am I to be upset by it? I had one small taste of this and I am able to get on with my life not subjected to hatred or even a lack of understanding not born out of hate but equally difficult to experience , I see a woman and still think about her as an object of desire for just a second or 2, it's insane but I do it, I treat women with as much respect as I can and when we talk about women in comedy I just think of them as comedians, good or bad comedians are not determined by gender, I would not judge a woman on her gender without seeing her ability to do anything that she may be capable of, perhaps my wording there is not ideal but what I'm saying is I know I view women as equal, yet I still see an attractive girl and think about her looks 1st. Race is different, I see black or Asian people no differently to anyone yet a thought in my head always niggles at me that I should be careful not to say anything racist.... So in thinking that I'm not treating this human, this person who is before me the same way I would a white person.... Aaaaaghhhhh what's going on in my mind.

There is a comedian from London, he happens to be black and his stage name is simply Russ, his Facebook name is Russ Monkeywithagunn! I have no idea why because I was too mortified to ask him when upon meeting him I walked over and went "hey, you're that Monkeywithagunn aren't you?" ... 2 passers by turned gobsmacked to see how this blantant racial attack would wind up and only then did I realise what I'd said as he shook my hand and just said yeah that's me..... But in my head I was overplaying it and I had to get away quickly... I need to stop thinking like this. I'm angry because I can't stop seeing the injustice and I'm fucking part of it! I listened to comedians comedian podcast as I always do and I heard Susan Calman break down in tears at some of her experiences and it melted me, I wanted to just cuddle her and say it's ok (she asked Stu for hug in the end and it was oddly beautiful) I have it easy being a straight, white, middle class male.
It's easy yet I'm angry, channel 4 have angered me too, I need say little but benefit street is a show where they picked the worst examples of people on benefits, benefits that so many people need to get by, to eat, to cloth themselves. Viewers who may need benefits in the future now see it as shameful and call those who claim benefits scum, they judge everyone by the extreme example shown on TV, I'm angry because since starting comedy I notice this more and I want to change the world then I look at myself doing things that I deem will make people laugh, I hear the criticicsm from a small pool of my peers and I feel utterly worthless, and this angers me. I read that comedians are all
Broken, that the successful ones display psychotic behavior, it's nonesense, the world outside of comedy is broken we just don't always see it because deep down everyone wants a happy life even if they display signs of bigotry or intolerance, I'm angry because when someone is bigoted there is no way I can approach them and make them understand why it is not how they should live. Who am I to even begin to try explain anything to anyone, I'm guilty same as many other people sharing this planet with billions of other people who may be different but are essentially all the same, I'm angry because I started out the year feeling I should become a better comedian and 2 weeks in I feel like I need to become a better man 1st. I say all this and yet I'm not even sure what will change in me, I will still go out there and try make people laugh, taking advantage of being white, straight, middle class and male wether I mean to or not. I just hope I can make sense of life and maybe twist it into at the least a good funny 5 mins that maybe shows me in a good light and not this dark place I feel I'm in at the moment.

Oh, don't worry though. I realise that may have ended a bit deep, I'm ok though, I mean. I just burnt my hand on the George foreman while making a toastie, and the toastie has cheese in it so I may have nightmares.... But I'm ok, I'm just angry that my brain is full so of this need to not treat people badly that I'm treating people badly! I may try a lighter post next time! For now confused angry comedy writing... Let's see what I produce!

A tight 10

I had wanted to talk about gong shows a little in this blog as I am back taking part in them to ease some new stuff into my set and also re introduce some older bits that work in a more low brow way.
There is no need for me to say much about gong shows really as one of my peers Jay Islaam has written a superb blog about the gong shows and I urge anyone who is reading this that has not read Jay's piece please do, it leaves me needing to say nothing about the gong show other than I will be taking part in a few this year as I work on little new elements to my set and try up my laughs per minute.

So what can I talk about?? well I will talk about being self aware is a subject I think that new comedians need to think about, what is being self aware? I often though that being aware of what I write was my strength but I'm not even sure I am clued up as to how poor my quality control may be?

I'm still a new act less than 2 years since I started performing, although thanks to a hugely busy August, September, October and November I shot past my gig target which I guess ages me as a comedian, that said, London acts scoff at my gig rate I'm sure.

I'm lucky to be in a position where I am able to gig a lot, but what is the point in gigging every other night if I can't look at myself and be critical. when I say critical I mean I mean in a constructive sense as its pointless just hating everything although characteristic of a lot of acts to be eternally self critical and not just in their work. I don't wish to dwell on the state of mind of acts as I could only really talk from my own personal experiences so to stay on topic I want to look at myself as an act. I have written hours of stuff, hours of awful stuff to get minutes of less awful stuff, I have such poor quality control but I spent 3 months watching new act nights before I 1st took to the stage back in March 2012, I saw what audiences seemed to like a tailored my writing to that, I totally forgot the 6 years of monthly pro nights I ran or the hundreds of pro nights I attended and all the brilliant acts I saw I just focused on what the audiences liked at these amateur nights and wrote to a style. This style works to a degree, I learnt how to be funny, how to use the mic and how to conduct myself on stage and off even. All this is well and good but to move through the ranks you have to identify what would work an a pro night to a more knowledgeable comedy crowd, I mean why don't open spots laugh at other open spots? because they are secretly hoping all other open spots are rubbish to clear the way for them to success? maybe but mainly because they can see the punchlines coming and the reason? because they themselves are connoisseurs and most open spots haven't yet identified the stuff that needs to be dumped and how to evolve. I haven't, i hate that but I'm trying so hard to move into the quality of stuff that makes me an in demand act. The fact I'm aware I need to work harder on material this year does not make me self aware, I have been asked to take my 1st attempt at a solo show on a mini tour. Now why would an act at my level even have a solo show? writing a quality routines is hard, writing a 20 min set very hard, so writing an hour? at my level? well be honest with yourself Jim it will not be very good, in fact I knew this so opted to only do 45 mins. This is a tall order for a new act yet I wanted to see if I could manage it.

As it happens when I watched the video back there was a very passable 25 mins. 25 mins that is passable is hardly Edinburgh worthy but at least I know and taking the show on this mini tour (small venues in Leeds Hudds Donny and Blackburn) is more a case of me trying to make it a solid enough show to go to Edinburgh.

So how much self awareness am I showing? i'm not sure but i'm at least trying to ensure some kind of quality, but another issue is the idea that I have 20 mins when the reality is that its heavily convoluted and actually only a 10 min set in reality, don't tell people you have 20 if you haven't identified that your set needs tightening.
I'm not saying this to be critical of open spots or newer acts, just that the idea they may not be aware of things that are in need of a touch up.
There are a few other things that could fall into self awareness category. A lot of acts think having 10 mins means they should prepare a 10 min set and finish the set even if audience interaction or something else means that 10 mins are up before they have finished all the prepared set. Just stick to your time even if you haven't got it all out going to 12 mins is not fair if acts later need to cut their set down. Oh and a tight 10 is not getting off stage at bang on 10 mins, its having a lot of jokes and quality stuff in your 10 mins.

Also new act who take on MC duties but make the night about themselves in many ways, they fail to spot when the audience are laughing and its prime to get an act on and feel the need to do 'stuff' between every act, don't get the acts on to a warm audience or just go on too long this another thing I feel a little self awareness would resolve. Especially as the MC is the most important act in many ways, a discussion for another post perhaps.

Acts who are edgy, dark or dirty don't have to shock people either, if that is the direction you want to go then fine, but you are not going to be Frankie Boyle, Anthony Jeselnik or Jim Jefffries straight away so maybe just reel it in a little 1st and learn the how to make people like you 1st so you have some control before going on the offensive!

I believe everyone, no matter what level you are at, how poor or great your writing and how poor or great your performing is, can make themselves a quality act if they just have a little self awareness, sadly not enough acts do and that may be all that is holding them back.