Monday 30 November 2015

A bit of badinage

I've recently seen a few reviews of acts I know that have somewhat confused me, when I say confused, I'm not referring to the big words used by reviewers to show how much more intelligent they are than normal people, although I had to google some words (what I've never heard of badinage despite being involved in many, I just thought that was a poorly tied bandage) 

I'm of course referring to the content of the review. Reviewers are just people with opinions like the rest of us, sure some have experience of a certain field and they are therefore licenced to point out when something is not that original or well constructed but really all they otherwise are is one person offering an opinion, I realise we are short of opinions these days in fairness!!!!.


Reviews to me mean so little now, sure it's nice to be told you are doing well but really you should know if you're doing well without needing a paragraph or 3 to confirm it.

Fuck I've had eBay reviews that are so far from correct I wonder if the person reviewing has seen an episode of master chef and decided if they can be wanky about food, I can be wanky about packaging (being wanky is probably not something you would hear in a review )

I've read product reviews for items on Amazon and ordered them on the basis that John from Norwich thought they were "decent for the money" and found the item to be utter manure, I've seen trip advisor reviews for the Grand Canyon saying that "it's alright but not much for the kids to do so just 2 stars"

The Grand Canyon, needs a soft play area and some wifi!


Are these people wrong? No, because that's how they see things and I don't have disdain for reviewers but the reviews I've seen of some acts I know don't reflect my opinions of said act, of course my opinion is worth as much as an signed Rolfaroo drawn on Lance Armstrongs jockstrap but if was a punter it would be the only option I'd really care about.

There is some kind of need to be validated by reviews from some comedians, the thing is, audiences laughing and promoters booking you is review enough..... Sure there are some acts out there that die painfully on their arse week in week out, are gonged off every gong show and perform to silent uncomfortable audiences who start to zone out and find themselves on gumtree via their phones looking for second hand bikes or something just to be free from the train wreck in front of them and yet the act comes off stage and believes they have just smashed it!!

No, no you guys haven't smashed anything, if anything you have taken a gig someone else has smashed and repaired it, you have firmly held the roof on and you very much stitched back up anything that was previously ripped by prior acts.... You guys should not self review as you are as capable of that as I am of riding a unicycle and juggling, the A and E department at Leeds General with testify I'm terrible at that in case it's not clear!

But everyone else, maybe don't worry about reviews, don't read too much into them if they are bad and enjoy them but don't see them as the career defining moment if they are great.

I like a zillion other comedians (I am classing myself as a comedian no matter how few stars I've had, Enzo here at McDonald's who just served my coffee has no stars yet he's still a mcwaiter) an swimming in the same pool and would like to stand out but a review, bad or good, to me personally, should just be read with a pinch of salt...... And not as I may have previously considered a pinch of salt, a squeeze of lemon and 6 shots of tequila because the author thinks yer shite!!

Take reviews for what they are, sure they have their place but really I don't think they will ruin or catapult anyone to an extent it is worth sweating about.

I give this article 2 stars, the packaging was wet when it arrived and it smelt of sticky tape!

J x

Sunday 22 November 2015

Antisocial Media

It's been an odd week on the ol social media, or given how often my face is stuck in it rather than communicating with the live humans near me I prefer antisocial media.

It's been odd since some people killed some other people and lots of people had opinions about the people who perpetrated the killings. There have been tricolore facebook profiles, images of dogs being donated by the Russians to France, (perhaps a little easier to send a dog to France safely than it is to the moon) there have been proclamations from sanctimonious attention seekers about deleting bigots, bigoted posts from moronic half wits and the odd hint of weary sarcasm and frustration from people who just want to know who's shagging who and what funny cat meme is next.

As a person who claims to be a comedian, a rather bold claim but one that makes me happy, I oughta look at these posts and take a light hearted view, perhaps quip about how unsurprising the grammar errors are in a lazy opinioned post about how we should bomb Syria, or maybe a more considered way of looking at the uber left opinion its all our own fault that baddies with weapons are shooting us.

In truth I'm tired, social media is draining, its like being in a room with every type of person and they are all shouting as loud as they can, you kind of agree with some but when you comment thus someone you respect kicks off because you don't agree with them and in the end you just want to tell a dick joke and leave quickly before anyone thinks you want to buy Ray Bans from an atractive heavily tattooed young girl.

I really think I might enjoy a world where social media is limited to an hour a day or something, I presently log on hourly for the fear of missing out on a gig only to find myself weeping uncontrollably at the image of a 4 year old Syrian girl surrendering at a camera she thought was a gun. The moment I saw that photo it reminded me of being a young boy in the 80's crying because of a video I saw or Roger Whittaker documenting poachers attacking Elephants. No social media back then, still found a way to feel pathetic, its a big cruel world.

I thought for about 5 minutes back then that I would change the aforementioned cruel world but then a moment later the ice cream van came round and my priorities changed.
Putting things in perspective is all well and good but how long does perspective last? you feel humble for about 3 minutes then you hear that Man United have scored with an injury time og and your anger turns to Watford's defending, I mean really, Troy Deaney back there?? really Watford??
N.B I have nothing against Man but I had them to draw in my accy

Social media does not allow perspective, it just has everyone's thoughts puked out into a feed of pointless information sapping our time and ability to freely think without justification from peers or to have an alternate opinion without being attacked. Or maybe I am wrong, and even though some bell end will require you to share a picture of a girl with ham on her face in 4 seconds or a dog in Honolulu gets eye cancer or some needy blogger *coughs loudly* shows a picture of an everday event and claims you will not believe what happens next only for that to be an even more everyday event but with some lame moral plot crowbarred in.

The annoying thing here is, something terrible took place in Paris last week, and it opened my eyes to all the terrible things that happen everyday, people can literally die a million different ways, seriously I heard of one guy who jumped into a window on the 57th floor of a building to prove its integrity only to smash through and fall to his death... seriously people can die in all kinds of manners, so lets all stop killing each other, stop using killings to hate each other, stop using differences and religions to hate and for the love of god (if you believe in him) stop posting about how you have all the answers to these world issues on social media, I want to write some jokes instead of hide from my laptop in a cupboard.

I am not sure what the hell I have just written, but too late now I have posted it and you have read it, next week I think i will write about my weekend away with the family, just an ordinary trip, but what happens next will leave you speechless

J

Sunday 15 November 2015

Winging it

3 years ago I had a solo show called what am I doing here, it was my 1st real attempt at such a thing and had it not have been for 18 months of being in a really dark place (mentally, I wasn't locked in a cupboard or anything) it would have gone to Edinburgh.... thankfully it didn't, because it was pish! I'm assuming here that pish is a Scottish word for rubbish, if it means something else this may make no sense, thankfully it didn't because it was xylophone or something ridiculous.


It was not rubbish in relation to where I was at that time though, it's just I was so bad that it seemed like a superb show! it wasn't but one thing I did do with it was self promote it and take it to various venues to get into the swing of doing an hour performance, although in the end it was only 45 mins or so, finishing early not usually one of my habits and like this cheap metaphor I'm making I did feel like apologising after for giving what was my best performance but yet still not one that is deeply satisfying.


This weekend I returned to Hull for the comedy festival to make this my 3rd year there after last year I did a revised version of the previous show but god knows where I was mentally then!! I was certainly very drunk!
I love the festival in Hull, its well supported, well attended and this year again very well run.
I decided this year to take a work in progress type show as Leicester comedy festival looms and I would like to use that as starting point for a year of hour performances before actually trying to get something from comedy's trade fair in August.


Taking into consideration last years mini tour that was self promoted and ran in Huddersfield, Carlisle, Doncaster (kind of) Blackburn and 2 nights in Leeds I may do something similar this year, promote myself, set a budget find venues and have a pay what you like or nominal door fee, Hell I'm not going to upset the governing body of comedy, what with there not being one, so why the hell not.


I'm under no illusions I'm brilliant and could sell out big venues across the country, I have family members who don't know who the fuck I am so I hardly have a following but I am at a standard now where my filter has caught up, I still write shit jokes I just don't say them loudly in rooms full of people who have paid for mirth. I do, however, have a style now that works, a set that is stronger than ever, it had to be though really, I mean there's only so many times I can pretend to be a chicken crossing the road!


I have thought about what direction acts take, listened to Stuart Goldsmith's brilliant podcast and watched mates or acquaintances pick up TV work, sign up with agents and win national competitions and it has all pointed to the reality that, this comedy lark, we are all fucking winging it! I even think Steve Bennett at Chortle gets home some days and thinks, "well I haven't a fucking clue so I'll just say it was average" and massive promoters think, fuck it we will just keep booking the same 12 acts because we don't trust anyone else!


All someone like me needs to do is knuckle down, create my own path and have some fun, so that's the plan, although a big push in 2016 would be useful, so don't be surprised if you see a self promoted mini tour popping up.


J xx

Sunday 1 November 2015

Learning Funny

Today I taught a course on writing techniques and how to generate material. It's a subject I know a lot about on the basis that I have been on 2 writing workshop type courses and one 10 week  writing course (one day a week for the 10 weeks, I'm not a machine!!) with a follow up 3 week course.

There are lots of opinions on comedy courses (what, comedians, opinionated?? Never!!!) and these vary but for me today was about helping people to create a set from ideas they have generated and avoid the rookie errors of too many words or talking too fast or trying to be edgy and offensive.

I had prepared my teachings many months ago and had acquired the assistance of Jed Salisbury to teach the course, in all honesty I just like having Jef around in case anyone makes a Star Wars or wrestling reference that goes over my head.

Coming out of the course I had a really upsetting realisation that my material that I have been tightening up for 4 years ready to be a solid club comic, because I'm fucking ambitious, is dreadful.

It's terrible! Every other night I go out on stage and amble through musings about what my dad said and how funny a thing I over heard in a bar was and isn't my grandad quirky with his dementia and steadily decreasing ability to be alive.

It's utter rhinoceros shit! Big steamy piles of it all over the audiences geraniums, and yet so often they laugh, they laugh at this ridiculous thing that's just dribbled out of my face into their ears. 

This isn't a Ratner moment, I'm not talking you into coming along to one of my shows expecting me to be stood behind a mic banging saucepans together with my nob out singing I am Henry the 8th and expecting encores. 

The thing that struck me the most was that in the 4 years I've been doing this I have improved massively, I'm actually pretty decent at this, in fact I'm way better than my material and that has got to change!

So I can either get worse! Or write better, which I realised leaving my own course today I could do, if I just worked a little harder on the horrible part of stand up (well driving home from the arse end of Norwich on a Wednesday night when every cone in the world is out on the roads and every junction you need is closed diverting you past a town that if you break down in with almost definitely have a guy that demands you squark like a pig boy is the most horrible part but second most horrible part does not have the same impact) I could actually be 20 miles further down the comedy road than I am.

So having taught a course today I can confirm you can't teach funny but you sure a shit can teach writing and inspire and make improvement to the stuff that you are saying week in week out.

I'm looking forward to writing 5 hours worth of new stuff to eventually be able to unveil a new 10 mins of actual quality comedy, who knows, maybe one day I'll actually be bloody hilarious, for now I'll take not bad performer with some distinctly average jokes!!