Performing knob gags

It's been an interesting week, I've been in Spain and Gibraltar pretending this makes me more important than I am and as brexit vote draws closer making the odd social media comment regarding my opinion on this and holy fucknuts people get upset! 

The Rock of Gibraltar, more impressive and probably more nutritious than Blackpool rock

I've spent time this week writing and performing knob gags and absolutely pointless stories (well there is a point, laughter but nothing more than that)

It's brought me back to the thought that I was once told you have the power in comedy to make a difference and make a point and that's what comedy is all about.

Well I firmly believe there is enough opinion peddling, point making bullshit stirring twatfestery going on away from the entertainment world that why continue it if it's likely half the room won't agree with you?

Sure it's great when someone makes a point you don't agree with and you laugh anyway, Steve Hughes and Bill Burr both do that for me but because someone is a right wing twat doesn't mean they shouldn't have a break from their right wing twattery for a laugh?

As I write that I almost think it depends on how right or how twatty but let's consider that they aren't racist c words, went with c word instead of cunt because my mum reads this btw!

Just breaking off from the racist c word, there's a website called spell check a racist, like them being a racist isn't enough for us to decide that are doucheburgers we then have to confirm it with smug pointing out that they can't even spell forin job theef! 

I chose comedy because I want to make people laugh, I'm of course of the opinion that my perfect audience would all agree with me and understand where I'm coming from but my own friendship group don't all agree with me yet I'm still friends with most of them, I'm just doing this to make as many people as I can laugh away from whatever fight they are fighting if I agree or not.

I haven't deleted the ukip supporting friends I have from my Facebook nor have I made a song and dance about them having to remove themselves so all my mates know I'm proper tolerant! Actually I engage with them sometimes and discuss why they think like they do (yeah sometimes it's like asking a dog to explain why it sniffs its own arse, it's got no idea why you think that's wrong and can't contemplate what you are saying but that's just life)

I was saddened by so many things this week, I shed tears for 49 strangers and then even more for a 50th a few days later, I then laughed at a video of Jim McDonald offof corrie celebrating Northern Ireland's euro win and then wrote 3 ridiculous gags about why I don't think I'll live past 70!

The world can be dogshit and it can be nice, I certainly think my place in it is just to bring laughter not to have a stance , not right now.. That version of me though may be bubbling up inside, who knows.

J x

I made them laugh

There's been so much crazy stuff happened on this planet upon which we reside that my weekly self indulgence seems completely pointless. But then again I've felt like there's a point to what I'm doing for the past 4 years and there most probably isn't so I can either lock myself in a cupboard rocking back and forth seething at all the worlds injustice or I can plough forward in the hope that nob gags aside my attempt at world domination through comedy makes a difference.

I actually feel I am doing ok, this is as close to self praise as I'll ever get as I recall once celebrating a goal with my team mates as a junior footballer and my dad calling me a bighead, a memory I'll never forget, my dad is ace but that really made it difficult for me to enjoy success... Lucky for me I've skilfully avoided having any success just in case! Phew!!

I am doing ok though, although I'm not measuring myself against anything so I could be deluded... Thing is I turned up to MC a gig on Saturday and the headline act had made a diary error which was discovered last minute meaning a re shuffle that saw Jack Gleadow step into MC duties from opener allowing me to close.

Now most people who like sport will know that England were playing in the euros on Saturday against Russia who brought their hooligans along to make our hooligans feel like poor sorry victims (there were a bazillion nice people too who were actual victims it should be said)

So with the football being on I noticed a mostly female demographic in the room... Go back less than a year and if you asked me to close a gig and then do so to a mostly female crowd I would have thought there was no chance... Surely my stuff is too laddy and I can't close, well that was then, now I know my stuff isn't too laddy at all and just because one or two people didn't get it I allowed their shitty opinion to cloud my own opinion of me!

I'm not quite the dogs bollocks so here's a picture of some until I am!

So I'll give myself a pat on the back for overcoming that, and not so much a pat on the back but a nod of approval that I stopped thinking female audience members would switch off once I talked about a big girl in a Yates like it was some kind of lad bants story (it's really not so if you don't get that you're stupid ((I originally typed 'your stupid' so technically I'm stupid)) the gig itself went as well if not better than every gig I've closed so far this year, a tight half hour with stories and silliness I'm actually happy with it and there was enough laughter to justify that! It's not like I haven't worked on it as much as possible to make it solid.

Am I one of the deluded fools that used to pop up on the forums though, Yorkshire folk may recall Roy or Colin Bunyan among the more colourful of characters and Peter Fox of Notts comedy review mentioned a guy who for his 1st gig hired a theatre and did an hour... Yeah I'm not in their ball park so I needn't worry that I'm not in Jim Jeffires or even say Pat Monahans (for non comedy people that's the comedian and not lead singer of Train)

I think measuring myself to anyone else in comedy and any of their standards will only leave me feeling pointless, especially when a promoter tells me I need to try some fresher ideas and then 2 gigs in a row for them their £200 headline act does the same joke I heard when I was 7... Like that's 2 different acts a week apart both of them do the same joke! No one says a word!!

Nah I'll not worry about that (beyond of course mentioning it just now) because a room full of people (about 50) left having had a great night on Saturday because I did what I was paid for and all I really wanted, I made them laugh, I still have my own benchmark and need to push towards that but there's enough rejection in this job already to continue to worry about how I'm doing, just keep doing it and trying to improve and that's all that's needed!!

J x

Travel gremlin

So I had an interesting weekend, I drove to Great Yarmouth on Friday, my 1st visit there and seemingly it won't be my last... It was one of those gigs where opening was always going to be a slog but there was enough in the room for me to not come of stage considering setting fire to myself, drowning in slurry or at the very least contemplating giving myself a Chinese burn!

It was Saturday where there was confusion, I was booked for a gig in Bristol but the Booker had been on holiday and so there was a mix up as his replacement booked another act instead unaware I was confirmed so I was cancelled, I then landed a gig closer to home and better money and with one of my best comedy mates.. Happy days... Only, there was a mix up and someone else was booked... So now no gig (sad face!!)

Then as I'm tootling (because tootling is the best way to describe my fuel saving driving speed) back from Great Yarmouth (it's not bad but they really are over egging it with the 'great') I receive a message from original booker in Bristol and booom I'm back on the line up there again... The bloody glamour!!!

Seriously though, who's that prick?

So that was the weekend, but is that all there is to tell? Oh no, it's so not because the 1st of 2 things I should have experienced/ understood before the age of 36 happened.

Last time I went to Bristol I parked in a car park that closes at 11pm and had to find a hotel for the night as I got back to it at 11.15, the time before... Well I missed a train and had to get a megabus taking 3 years to get home via every city, town and village... This time my travel was not going to be an issue... Oh no, you're not getting my this time travel gremlin... So instead a bird shat on me within minutes of my arrival!!

Several people have said that is good luck, these are clearly people who A, don't understand the concept of good luck and B, have clearly never had another animals shit running down their ear and all over their T-shirt.... That doesn't feel so lucky to me!!

Oddly it has been a trigger for me to pull my finger out a bit though, the luck that I feel I've been having lately has been nothing but bad but that's all bollocks, I've been wallowing like a little cry baby and having bird shit on me in Bristol could have been a sign of good luck but it wasn't, it was just a bird taking a dump as I happened to wander aimlessly underneath and if I want good luck I have to go fucking earn it!!!!!

I took that to the stage with me, I wasn't at my best, I was however confident and happy with myself on stage and the 4 or 5 applause breaks I got at points I wouldn't normally was about that.

Don't get me wrong... I'm not here shouting about applause breaks as if I smashed it, there were massive lulls and a couple began talking midway through such was their apparent boredom I really should have addressed it but could not see where they were due to the lights!

But this was a good change in thought pattern, more hard work no more wasted hours that could be taken up writing stuff to fill those lulls or working on tags and afterthoughts and better self promotion.

That said, I did spend today gardening and the 2nd of the 2 things was that today I found out what secateurs are!! Never before knew they were gardening shears!!

I'm not so clever!!

I am though going up a gear, think I located my mojo today!!

J x