where is everybody, Gig10

Gig 10 was a short trip to Huddersfield for bar 1:22’s ‘open for Comedy’ it was nice that after Wednesday nights poor gig i was going to be back in front of an audience again straight away.... or so i thought.

I had done badly for the 1^st time but on reflection i have not done well yet either, i am just ok, average, i have a few good jokes and some dross in my set too. I needed to fix this. My Dublin incident story was one i worried about telling, not least because its true but also because i am not sure if it is as funny to people who don’t know me. Despite my concerns i have used it in my last 3 gigs and would have been 4 had i survived the gong in Preston. I had made the decision to stop pratting around with my set and just keep it as it was for at least the next 4 gigs. I can identify areas that don’t work then and alter slightly. The other bonus is that if i keep my set as it is i will know it off by heart before long and not need to keep revision notes.

So my 1^st gig with this train of thought was at bar 1;22 as mentioned. I Arrived on a wet Thursday to see the MC Holly and said my hello’s. I knew no one else although had been on stage with Todd Pemberton once before but did not make conversation with him (my shyness makes me seem rude i bet!) there were to be 7 acts and i was on 6^th. It was pushing 9pm when it seemed worryingly apparent there were not going to be any audience members... well there were 4 plus the other acts.

Holly did her best to make the most of this situation, i think this is where she shines because i have seen her attempt to beat the gong at both Mr Bens and Nottingham Maze and she struggled at both but she is actually a great MC.

She settled the 4 audience members in and the other acts made the ‘crowd’ seem bigger but the worry is with so few audience members, where will the laughs come from. Comedians only offer muted laughs almost as if they are hardened to jokes, or maybe because they secretly want other acts to fail?? I doubt that tho, i mean there are some knob heads in comedy but in general there is great comradery in my experiences so far. Maybe it was seemingly embarrassing to laugh out loud when no one else is?? I don’t know but i do know that it was difficult for 1^st act Si Finnigan.

He knew he had it difficult and went about his set with casual disdain almost, i think he has a good personality on stage, the laid back luke approach. Up 2^nd was the more energetic approach from Todd Pemberton. He has confidence that oozes out and he is definitely likeable. Marshall b Anderson followed, he is older than most new comedians i met, he knows it and uses it. His comedy is reflective of a man with life experience too, i liked his flowing style. We then had a break.... we should have just ploughed through as during the break 75% of the audience left (that’s only 3 people tho!!)

The 2^nd half was started by Heena Patel, a bi sexual Hindu girl.... in what other walk of life would i be hearing someone openly describe themselves thus?? She was followed by the oddly creepy one liner comic Nigel Needham, his gags were good but he was a bit hard to hear. I think when he has a bigger audience i’m sure he will be better to watch. I was on next. No nerves as there was only 1 guy in the audience and 4 of the comedians that had previously been on (one went home reducing the audience to 9 in total baring in mind the MC and a non performing comic were also present.

I went about my set with no real nerves, i knew it would be difficult to get a laugh but i had stuff to work on so that i did, my set went on for 8 mins and i decided i had done enough. There was rapturous applause of course (in my head).

The final act was Vertically challenged Jibreel Arshad, at 3ft tall and as a member of the Asian community he has 2 minority areas to pluck comedy from, he challenged us to guess his height, no one dared, he challenged us to guess his age... i had no idea, he claimed most people think he’s 6... he’s 23. He completed his short set (that was not a pun) and again challenged us to ask why he is short... to his face offstage! An odd performance with potential.

The night came to an end and i was on my way, the barman told me he liked my set best... a small detail but the compliment was nice. I hope to get a chance to play there again when there are a few more people in.

Vanilla at Harrogate next

A bad gig, a good lesson. gig No9

I got a last minute offer to do a gong show in Preston, gong shows had been going well for me in that I was surviving the 5 but not winning, I was umming and ahhing as to weather I would go but decided I would.
I had had an awful day, working outside in the pouring rain not helping so I thought going to Preston would be a good escape…. It was… and it wasn’t!
I got there at 6.45 45 mins early which was good as I needed to read through another we write of my stuff and learn it, I could not do this however as 2 of the other comics were there already and it would be rude not to chat with them. They like me were less than double figures in terms of gig done and were trying some changes to their stuff.
It was a gong show in the mould of Mr Bens but without the 2 min grace period.
There were 10 acts on and 3 were doing their very 1st gig.

The crowd was at around 50 people and the compare gave out the red cards to 3 girls aged around 25 for them to be our judges for the evening.
The running order had already been done and I was on 2nd to last.
The guy who went 1st was using material similar to mine and it was going down well, I thought to myself I can make my set better.
2nd on was our only female act, she talked about needing to check if she was pregnant and how her boyfriend would react but with 20 seconds to go she was gonged, not helped by the all female judges I think?
On next a guy from north Wales who did some topical and some hack stuff about Wales, he had a mini break down halfway through when he forgot his set but it didn’t matter he was not voted off.. Which is what made the next one odd… he was a 1st timer but he was getting laughs all the way through.. Yet he did a tit joke and boom 10 seconds shy of 5 mins he was off (I should have spotted this and learned from it about the room)
Up next was fingerless nick as mentioned in earlier blogs, he was gliding through his set but again he made a comment that was less than favourable about women and a card went up but he clawed it back straight away. For me the winner so far.
There was a break then act 2, up 1st was another 1st timer, he had a great delivery, good confidence but his material was not his own, the audience didn’t know that and they loved it, I hope he writes some stuff of his own as he was good on stage but I think a lot of people can go tell other peoples jokes for 5 mins.
The next 2 were someone doing gig 3 and our final 1st timer, neither got very far before being gonged but I would say the audience claws were sharpened now and they were not being patient as both guys got more laughs then a previous act who got through. It had quickly come round to my turn. I had decided to try a look that included flamboyant shoes black trousers white shirt black tie, I went up to the stage with no confidence tho, I began my usual routine getting the expected laughs in places it had before then I tried the re write stuff…. I had forgotten half of it due to nerves… so I went back to my normal stuff, that got me a card as it was all over the place but I thought I had recovered until I did my joke about calling my ex a fatty… boom the other 2 cards straight up and I was off, I was also the nights loser being gonged quicker than anyone else.
I will blame a couple of things…. But NOT the audience, I want to blame them but its not their fault I did not make them laugh. I will blame changing my set all the time when im so new… write one set, learn it and hone it…. That is what I will now do, I’ll blame myself for not having the ability to recover when I forgot a bit, work on that me thinks. I will blame myself for not learning my material and taking Mickey Sharma’s advice. All these things are valuable lessons, the shame of being gonged off and doing badly is necessary to learn from I think, there are an awful lot of gifted new comedians on the scene so I need to work hard at this to make sure I become one of them.
Anyway back to the gig, one last act was to perform, he was casual and clever but started with a well used I look like celeb x and celeb y’s love child, his set however was very good, I thought he might run fingerless nick close as potential winner.

The final vote was between 5 acts from 10, whittled down to 3 quickly it was fingerless Nick, the 1st timer and the last act…. Fingerless Nick was next to go… I couldn’t believe it tho when the 1st timer was then announced winner, take nothing away from him as an act, he was better than me on stage and it was his 1st ever go… but comedy has a writing aspect too and it seemed harsh that Nick and final act lost out with their own material.
I have much work to do before Bar 1:22 in Huddersfield tonight

An Indian a Jamaican and a Yorkshireman go into a bar, gig No8

With Verve and funhouse comedy done this week already Thursday 12th April I was booked to the Lamp Tavern in Dudley, an open mic night where I would be allowed up to 10 mins to try my stuff. I had spent most of the week worrying about the Nottingham night, I want to do well in gong shows so this night I hadn’t even thought about, I was going to do the exact same set as I did at Verve comedy cellar on Tuesday and hopefully learn how to trim it down a little and add some audience interaction at some point (its my biggest weakness that I am just talking at them rather than to them and although I need to work on everything that is what needs most work)
I borrowed Vikki’s car for this journey (thanks Vik) and left Leeds at 2.30pm, I was going to make a stop in Tamworth to see my Aunty as, if I was going to be in the Midlands it’s always nice to stop in and get fed!!
After a lovely time with my aunty it reached 6.30pm and time for me to move on from Tamworth to Dudley another 45 min drive away.

I arrived to see the Lamp Tavern on a junction, at the back was a marquee where I assume they hold events then as I walked around the marquee from the car park I saw there was a function room to the back of the pub where the comedy was held. I was greeted at the door by organiser Phillip McCullough, he welcomed me and got me a free drink then explained the night, he also wanted to know how long I’ll be doing, I mis heard this as how long have you been doing so I replied 7 gigs so far which clearly made no sense . Phillip was honest and frank in his response to that, ‘we don’t really care about how long or short your career is there is little progression offered here, just make them laugh is all I ask’ a fair and honest response from a guy who clearly tells it like it is and I liked that. I ordered my now staple pre comedy Red Bull and sat with 2 other comics who were performing, the brilliant Mickey Sharma who would be headlining and a character act Danny Razzle played by Matt Davies both from the Midlands area. We chatted about learning your material to the point where you know every syllable and how to deliver it and self belief, well Mickey talked to us and we listened, he knows what he’s talking about. Another act arrived, Helen from Wolverhampton (I think her name was Helen I feel bad as I cant remember) but it seemed no other acts were going to turn up….why??? Well one had a good reason, a guy I gigged with in Nottingham the night before had earlier that day lost his finger in an accident at the gym!! And it seemed he had to go to hospital but the others?? I don’t get it, I would walk to Dudley from Leeds or to anywhere for stage time, I would never book in and then not go unless circumstances (as with fingerless Nick) were out of my control but then I’d ring immediately (and still try get there) anyway moan over it was time for the show.
I was due on 1st for the second night in a row, it was fine this time I felt calm and ready, perhaps a result of doing 3 nights on the bounce.
Phillip during his MC routine mocked carrot trousers, v neck t shirts and pumps style of dress on men, he was having a friendly dig at a regular but I was wearing this exact ensemble.. Doh!!!
I arrived on stage my stop watch set so I didn’t exceed the 10 mins allotted and immediately drew audience attention to my clothes… giggles began to move around the room ’well it’s a good start’ I said as opening line… not sure what I meant but they laughed.  I then talked about my usual stuff, the upbringing in Otley and my misadventures in sex, it’s a topic that will not win me any prizes for originality but it will always make certain people laugh. It was going well, I missed a few jokes again but I was getting a good response from a nice room, I moved on to my Dublin incident story, the tuck shop aside didn’t seem to work so I’ll be looking out for other audience responses to that in future but the incident itself was well received and I was enjoying myself. I had got through the set a bit quickly due to missing the earlier jokes so I told another brief story abut being arrested and left the stage.

Next up was the Lady from Wolverhampton, she was doing her 12th show she told me but it seems she had told Phillip it was her 1st (her 1st in Dudley she meant) she like me relied on her roots, her family is of Jamaican decent and she flipped from Wolves to Jamaican accent impersonating the stereotyped Jamaican lady and the audience liked it. Her best part was at the end tho as she had got in a fight she had tried hard to avoid and in the end just went for it, removing her hair (it was not at all clear it was a wig so great surprise) to show a shaven head/ short haircut.

Next on was Danny Razzle, a creepy character who makes light of shitting himself, stabbing people and creeping women out. He had a recurring theme where he woke up next day with Boy George or Elton john that was funny but the room was predominantly women and he struggled to keep momentum, something he knew and he cut short  his act  by  couple of mins, the key here was he didn’t totally die but he recognised that the audience had not quite understood the act so he did the right thing I guess in coming off early.

There was a break then the final act was going to do 35 mins to fill the missing slots time up.. And what a treat.
Mickey Sharma a western born Indian told stories of visiting India, beat boxed Indian themed lullaby’s and talked of Indian sex life vs. western and the pro’s and cons of having a white girlfriend.
He glided through his set knowing every word of it off by heart even the new stuff he was here to test.
He had a mixture of topical jokes, knob gags and just plain silliness that all made his personality endearing.
I watched and thought what can I learn from this performance, well many things really, here is a guy who has gone pro after 3 years doing opens and now he has a great presence. Awesome to watch.

After the gig we all did the add on face book thing and Mickey offered a little more advice before it was time for me to head back.
The long drive back to Leeds not helped by miles of roadwork’s but I didn’t mind, I had had an awesome night at Lamp Tavern and would love to return again should I be welcome.

Up next Bar 1:22 Huddersfield

Laughing Louis and the glowstick gong, gig No7

My latest attempt to be a comedian saw me travel to Nottingham Maze to do another gong show.
This was the 1st gig I booked and I have been waiting a while to do it, it was through the comedy course I got this gig, another reason why doing a course is worthwhile I would say. This gong show was formatted differently to all the others. There is no voting you off mid joke but instead the votes are done on 2 mins, then every 1.5 mins thereafter taking you up to 5 mins if you survive the votes. If at the final vote you get more green than red (glowsticks rather than cards this time) you are invited to the final where you get up to another minute to win the £50 prize.
Spikey Mike the event organiser and compare e mailed me last week to confirm I would attend and with the e-mail he listed people who would offer a lift, I contacted one of those guys Ross Brierly who was a very similar position to me in terms of gigs done. This was I could share fuel costs and have a chat about what is on where and hopefully give each other some help.
I’m glad I did this and we chatted all the way to Notts like a couple of seasoned pro’s as if we knew what we were talking about!!
We arrived in Nottingham to find only one other act waiting and Spikey Mike not yet there so we got a drink and were about to grab a seat in the bar when Mike opened the door to the comedy club, in we went.
The stage was small and cosy and I was looking forward to getting up on it but the room was cold and as we were the 1st 3 in it felt a empty… well it would do.. It was empty! A steady flow of other acts arrived and we chatted about the night in prospect before Spikey Mike called us to a register. He announced that 3 acts from the scheduled 15 would not be coming and therefore as there were only 12 of us the votes would be on 3 mins and 5 mins cutting one vote out to get us more stage time filling the gap left by the missing 3.
He then asked who would like to go 1st, no one seemed keen, he asked again and Patrick Draper said he would but mike said no as you are a good act and I don’t want anyone to follow you id rather have you before a break so no one has to… good decision as Patrick I later found out was excellent. I decided to put my hand up for going 1st, hell the crowd are not sure of the standard yet I had nothing to lose so why not, the down side was that if I was gonged I had a long time t wait for my lift home especially if he made the final.
The rest of the order was set everyone knew their slot and we joined the smaller than usual audience (apparently the night was effected by Easter but there was still a nice crowd in)
Spikey Mike began the night with a couple of jokes and audience banter, one guy in particular was good to have as a judge, he was a deli manager for a supermarket, Louis was his name and he was to be the man that helped a lot of the acts through, Louis was one of those belly laugh guys who did not care how loud he was laughing and was very much the sort that found things funny that others may have just tittered at. He was a great guy to have in the crowd and gave a green light to most of the acts, his girl friend however barely smiled and offered reds to most acts.
Mike got round all of the judges explained the night to them all and it was time, I was stood nervously at the side of the room out of sight of the stage waiting to be announced, Mike however had forgotten to take the running order on and could not remember who was 1st, it looked like he had forgotten my name but it was more he’d forgotten who was on so he asked and I shouted up my name, he then introduced me to the stage and I began my set by acting like I had forgotten my name too, it got a giggle and eased my nerves and I began, my set very much the same as the one that saw me through  3 previous gong shows covering my early days living in Otley and the Yorkshire upbringing. I felt more confident after the 1st few laughs (thanks Louis ) and went through my set with a little more calm than past although I forgot 2 punch lines at the end making my last bit sound a bit wordy, I was later advised by another act to trim that, I think it was good advice. I survived the 5 mins and the final vote put me into the final, buzzing!! I now had to think of another minutes material tho as I did not expect this!!
I wont list all the other performers as there was a reviewer in the crowd, we had no idea we were being reviewed but it was a friendly reviewer looking for positives in all our acts, to see it go to www.scorpio-promotions.com/gigreviews/archives/382

7 of the 12 acts made it to the final and were asked to return to the stage to do another minute.
For my final one minute performance I did something I have never done before, I wrote material on my hand to help me remember (well notes not the whole set) I decided to take random jokes I had thought up and written on my phone note pad but not found a way to put into my set, it basically made me a one liner comedian for the last part and of my 9 one liners 8 went well… the other I’ll probably not do again!!

It came to vote time and all the 7 finalists were back on the stage and lined up ready to have the audience shout cheer and clap their approval of the winner. I got moderate applause as did most but Patrick Draper who I mentioned earlier had a fantastic deadpan set that was far and away the best on the day and he was deserved winner.

I had another gig under my belt and with Dudley looming tomorrow I was on cloud 9, this might only be a silly hobby at this stage… but I love it

How do i begin, gig number 6 the Verve comedy Cellar

It’s been the longest spell between gigs since I started with my last one being the open mic in Newcastle at long live on Tues 27th March I had to wait until 2 weeks later to try keep the momentum going, but I had managed to get 3 gigs in one week sorted so momentum would have to pick back up quickly.
In the meantime I went to watch cant sing cant dance in York and finally convince James Dunn (aka James Acaster) to come along, James is someone I met on the comedy course and one of the main reasons I would encourage to attend a comedy course is that if nothing else you get to meet people in a similar position.
James asked for 5 mins at the end of the CSCDDC night and I’m glad he did, his set included honest observation and intelligent afterthoughts, a million miles from when he stood up at the end of the course and his confidence shone.
I also went to a comedy night called HOWL, I had hoped to meet a few guys there that were good for knowing but decided to have a few drinks in the process….. Mistake, I was a bit tiddly and was undoubtedly not in the best state to chat to people! That said I watched the majority of the show and enjoyed seeing the act that won the gong show that was my debut again with his clever set.
Eventually the next gig for me came around this on Tuesday 10th April at the Verve Comedy cellar in Leeds.
It is run by 2 guys I am told are great for knowing and are very supportive in Eddie French and Pat Devine so I was exited to meet them. I also had 2 mates from work at Leeds United coming to support so it was nice to get some honest critics too. In the days leading up to this night I had messed around with my set a lot, I wanted to tweak it try new things…. Well it’s all new it would only be my 6th gig!!! All I did was re jig the order and try adding a couple more sides and afterthoughts… at 1st, then I completely re wrote the opening, this I should not have done because I arrived having no idea which opening I should use, the original or the newer version. As I arrived I saw the room was intimate and the 1st person I met was Eddie, he was laid back, he introduced me to the MC and another comic and I tried to make polite conversation but I was already beginning to feel nervous.
My 2 mates were already there when I arrived and I left them upstairs while I tried to figure out what I needed to do upon arrival. Realising that just turning up was all I needed to do I went to bring the guys down and sat with them trying to disguise my nerves as I swigged my 3rd red bull of the evening.
I checked the running order shortly before show time and I was on last, that was good I thought… more time to figure out which opening to use.
The line up started with an established act doing some new stuff in readiness for Edinburgh, he had que cards and began to try his new jokes, one of the guys in the front row yelled Opti Lube at him??? My girlfriend sells opti lube what is this all about… well it seems that she was at a comedy event with her colleagues where the opener here was performing and he had picked on them because …. Well because they sell lubricant!!! And the guy sat in the front row tonight was there that night creating an strange tenuous link in the room.
It had no effect on the performance however and after 20 mins our opener was done, I have seen him do his proper set and it is great, there were parts of this set that didn’t work.. But he knew and has the ability to adjust accordingly that hopefully I will have soon.
Up next was a newer act like myself doing the open slots for experience, he was engaging confident and able to banter with the audience, his materiel not full of jokes so I’m sure he will tweak and do well with it.
Up 3rd was a guy from Hull, he was a big guy… he was a funny guy, very dry one liner style.
The 1st act was completed and the Mc wrapped things up for a short break before introducing the 2nd half.
Our mc for the evening is new to Mc’ing but he has a great comedy persona and while I would suggest you can tell he is new to it you cant help but like him, his Dyson joke is brilliant!!!
On 1st in the second half was a guy from York, he had political commentary style materiel, he was very confident very sharp and had good jokes, I liked him and enjoyed his set. Now it was my turn, ah ball I still haven’t figured out which opening to use, I went up and just did a sort of coin toss in my head!! Which makes no sense I know, I opened with my self depreciation stuff on my ability to attract girls.. It was a nervy start but I began getting laughs when I moved to the drunken night out stuff. I could feel confidence flowing into me now and began with the ‘Dublin incident’ it went down well and I finished bang on 10 mins with my target of 5 laughs in 10 mins beaten and a buzz that I would say was better than sex.. But it has been a long time so I cant remember, I could liken it to scoring a goal… but again a long time… it was a great feeling anyway!!!

Nottingham Maze next then Lamp tavern Dudley, I will write the blogs for those this weekend so look out for them.