Out of the darkness

I haven't blogged for a while. Numerous reasons but my search for a dayjob and battle with the beast that is depression have formed part of it.

I don't talk openly about my depression very often, largely because I try hard to keep on top of it and that my home life is where it manifests the most.

I have done well really, I have been to a very dark place in my mind and had to fight my demons on my own which has been difficult but I have kept going. I had a nervous breakdown a year or so ago when at my worst but that was the catalyst for me to seek help. 

I'm being open about this now because I'm left with no choice following a recent relationship break up but to face my fears. I'm actually doing ok, sure I miss Vikki but I will move on and find someone else in time, that's life.

I have had other set backs. The illness that we worried so much about my niece having turns out to be non life threatening so that is a huge relief and my knee damage turns out to be a strain not a tear so again a huge relief as I was back playing football a week ago and I took my 1st salsa class last week (yes I'm salsa dancing now!! Originally I bought the classes as a surprise for Vik but I'm doing them on my own)

I have one other demon to fight, something out of my control that I have been fighting for about a year now. I hope to have that resolved soon and be back to my best by August but it's 50/50 and I have no control over it.

So my mental state now?

Actually very strong, I'm more determined than ever and I am heeding the lessons someone tried to teach me about having targets to aim for, I have set some. Financial, comedy and even fitness as I'm not in the best shape of my life!

I feel sad at the loss of a partnership with someone I love so deeply but as earlier mentioned I know the pain of that will go away in time and if I just concentrate on things for myself and be selfish for a short while I'll be grand.

As for comedy. Well more and more paid work and good quality trial gigs are coming in and I have a decent 30 min set that has been booked to close for a few smaller bookers and gone rather well (I'm under no illusion it's finished article)

My MCing is getting better and I have 2 residencies that I'm really happy with. Overall I feel I'm going in the right direction. 

I could continue working towards the comedy goal although to be fair I would also quit comedy right now and work on re building my relationship with Vik if that was an option, I'm not so sure it is so I will put my all into this... I've come so far and I believe in myself so watch this space.. Who knows where I could end up 

Postcode lottery

Is there a postcode bias in comedy? Does where you live have any baring on your chances of winning a national competition or even being considered for a gig? Is it just a coincidence that people who don't live in certain areas miss out on gigs?

There has been some changes to a national competition that has meant that if you live in the North or somewhere like Cornwall then you have little opportunity to enter. This is possibly seen as practical for the event organisers, however, this is a national competition so surely more effort should be made to ensure acts from all over the country can enter at minimal cost because let's face it this is a very expensive hobby.

It's not just competitions that seem to have a postcode bias, I live in Leeds and struggle to get on line ups 1 hour drive over the Pennines due to te wealth of talent in the Manchester area. The problem seems to be that with all these quality acts on their doorstep, North west promoters seem reluctant to take a chance on acts from outside the area. I can't blame them but it's so frustrating although not all promoters are like this as I have had a booking from Urban Comedy, Concept comedy & Colin Manford recently as well as radio fall out Bolton and the Queens in Tyldsley but these are few and I would like the opportunity for more.

In the North east there has been a similar situation, that said I have had more gigs in the North East which is an extra hours drive on top of how long it takes to get to the Manchester area.

I guess I should be grateful for the nights that run in Leeds, it seems though that even they favour Manchester based acts with the 2 main nights in Leeds having Manchester acts on ALL of their line ups that I have seen.

What's it like in the Midlands? Well I struggle to make any impact in the Nottingham, Derby or Leicester area but I have had plenty of joy in the West Midlands possibly helped by the fact I have family in Tamworth and I'm therefore in the area frequently.

London has it's own separate scene it seems but I can't be sure if obtaining gigs there is difficult it seems not. I can be sure that being based in London seems to have an affect on your ability to win major honours. Comedians from or based in London also seem to reach major finals with northern acts seemingly overlooked.

Maybe this is just how it seems and I'm looking too much into it, or maybe with getting gigs I'm actually not of the standard I need to be, or maybe there is something in where you live that can help or hinder you. Where would be the best place in the UK for an act to live to be able to benefit the most? Also is booking local acts only taking out the risk of lateness, traffic (I recently had a car issue of my own) or acts simply not turning up which of course would be really problematic for promoters.
Maybe running competitions in certain areas just means that these competitions will thrive. Will have better sponsorship deals or be more likely to survive meaning comedy will prosper for everyone.

Maybe being based in London makes you a better act as you have much competition and shorter sets yet more gigs so can refine your stuff easier, not to mention that you may have pros turn up regularly who you could learn from.

Living in a certain area should not have an impact if you are willing to work hard enough, travel far enough and take the criticisms on board as much as you do the knock backs on the chin, performing comedy is all any of us want to do and I don't begrudge acts from anywhere their success I just hope that being based where I am doesn't hinder me however talented the Manchester, North East, West Midlands or any other areas acts are. I guess that's just up to me and nothing else

Happy Birthday to me 2

Well it's my 2 year gigaversary today (weds 5th so technically as this is posted it will have been yesterday) I have had a count up and my official gig tally is 364 (a few less than I thought I'm glad I'm not an accountant)

It's been an interesting 2nd year with so much going on both in my comedy life and my personal life it's made it feel like I have been doing comedy much longer (although at times look like I have been doing it for only a few weeks)
I think I will focus this blog post on my self review of year 2. Year 2 started off with a real sense of optimism that was perhaps a little deluded. I was feeling very confident in what I was doing which when I look back was silly. One year in I thought I knew how to handle most gigs.... I was wrong.

I look now at 2 key gigs in the last year, 1 a corporate type of gig that I simply did not have the skills for & therefore died on my hole and the other a gong show I opted to do in Chester in order to play around with my persona and style, yes I also died on my hole and was gonged off only the 3rd time with the others being very early on in my gig life.

I learnt so much from analysing why I died and what I was doing wrong and it saddens me that the things I figured out still haven't all fallen into place in my set, I still haven't put all the lessons into practice and as I write this now I know that my set is missing a few things. One of these things is a big opener, I'm still trying to use improv or a weak opener ever since Damion Larkin gave me invaluable advice on my original opener (I.e it's shit get rid!). Another thing that's missing is some technical work, call backs or rule of 3 or some comedy devices would really help me along if I took more time to work out how to place them in neatly. I won't rush, I'm not doing the big clubs at the moment so I have been working on my 30 min set as well as my hour show and then identifying actually how much of my stuff is utter shite (more than I care to mention) and will need to be replaced. You see some stuff gets a laugh but actually is still weak open spot level material and needs to go.

The corporate that I died at was great because Joe Bromehead went on after me and smashed it, I watched and noted the real differences between my car crash and this swaggering performance standing dominant in the middle of a room of corporate bellends drinking their twat juice and puffing their chests out, an ironic verb considering they are trying to look as masculine and hetero as possible!
I noted a few things down from that night and they have come into play a few times since most recently when I closed 2 small gigs in 2 days that had drunk and chatty crowds in, I swaggered a little like Joe but I also chose my word placement and body language too, things the sadly missed Mark Rough advised me on.
These 2 gigs went very well for me, I didn't have the room rolling around laughing like I had hoped but to get the majority of these 2 restless audiences on board required many tools from the armoury that I devoped over the last year.

My persona style had changed a little too. I am a caricature of myself on stage and in Chester I felt I would beat the gong on material alone without the style or effort I usually adopt..... Wrong..... Should I say ..... GONG!!! Unlike some acts I won't pretend the audience were wrong or the MC felt my go gong was harsh, it's important to be realistic, I was gonged because my jokes don't cut it and I need the persona and the style that suits my set, it was a good lesson to learn and one that has seen me kick on.

I have also started to write better stuff and I feel more confident re writing my older set to keep it up to date and at a similar quality level to my new bits. I have been able to take a slight social commentary position and tweak it to fit my style of joke telling which is something I finally feel good about. I'm always writing and often meet up with Jed Salisbury and comedienne (if Hull daily mail is to be believed) Andy Woolston to write. This is good for me as they are both able to write in such a way as to fully complement my writing style and they are both solid acts too which is always helpful, this and the fact I feel like these guys are good people too helps when for example we have to say to each other...  Erm... That joke you just wrote is.... Well I don't wanna say shit, but it's mainly because it's not even good enough to be called shit!!

I am very aware of my topics that lack originality too, subtle jibes from peers aside I know what I am doing with my work and I have a plan to remove some of the less original styles. Things like the dyslexia joke or topics like my grandparents can be culled once I have tightened my newer bits and I have full confidence in those pieces of material.

My progression is another thing I wanted to look at 2 years in. I have headlined 7 times now and no this is not counting going on last this is when I have been asked to close a gig, they are always small gigs I'm not deluded and I do not believe anyone can be a headline act within 2 years or 500 gigs whichever comes 1st... Why? Because there is a lot required to close a gig, not the easy gigs that anyone who genuinely has 30 mins (not the people who have 15 mins and can talk for 30) can smash those, headline acts can do it when it's tough, when the MC is ropey, the crowd are drunk, the venue is inappropriate or any other situation along those lines. Even tougher is being a good MC. So many acts seem to miss the point of being an MC and do so selfishly or with no real skill... I MC with no real skill, the best MC's have an abundance of skill acquired from time spent gigging, this is not to say that no one with limited experience is good, there is just 2 levels of good and one can only be achieved through experience.

Paid work is the next thing that follows experience. This is providing you are good enough, I seem to be ticking a few promoters boxes now which is nice as the paid work is flowing weekly now and boy is it useful to eat real food and not have to decide petrol to a gig or heating which don't I need this week!! I'm really pleased that so many promoters now see me as solid enough to be worthy of payment for my comedy services.

I am going the right direction, but I know I have so much more to work on that year 3 is going to be massive, things like Edinburgh, my solo hour and more regular paid work coupled with continuing work on my set will really keep me busy but I hope when I look to my 3rd birthday in this very tough industry I can say I am really a comedian and not some encouragable amateur.

No more circuit nice guys

I saw a post the other day on the Facebook comedy forum that was about the people in comedy who can be a little annoying shall we say, in the comments someone had asked he poster (jestfully if that's a word) to post something nice, the person who posted pointed out that they do post nice comments too but people are naturally more interested in the negatives. This prompted a comment lower in thread suggesting the circuit is unfriendly, it can be same as any industry and I often use these blogs to highlight things that I deem unfriendly, it does not mean I'm right I can easily misinterpret things same as anyone else can, one thing I don't think I do misinterpret is who the comedy nice guys are.

You see on the whole it's a very friendly and pleasant industry (wether or not comedy is an industry is another debate) and I as a new act have met some really great people. There have been times say in a green room where I have been ignored or the acts that all knew each other made no effort to talk to the new guy, or when I have travelled 4 hours to a gig where the local acts have influenced the running order so they go on early to get home and I don't get back til 4am, these all things that I would say are unfriendly however, I'm sure no one means to be a dick (well some do and that's because they are dicks) and actually if they realised they were coming across badly they would be horrified, in fact I may even have done something like this myself although I always try say hello to every act and give the really new ones time of day as I remember how relaxed I felt at my 1st gig when Daniel Kennedy made that same gesture for me.

The point of this blog post is to thank the comedy nice guys (I use the word guys on a non gender specific way sorry if that makes no sense)
So back to my 1st ever gig, It was March 5th 2012 at Mr Bens gong show, I'm 32 but my insecurities and shyness make me seem like a teenager meekly and nervously shuffling my way to the spare seat where the other acts are sat. No one spoke to me, that was until Dan Kennedy spotted me and introduced himself and just made a little effort to relax me, it was a huge gesture to me and as I have gone on to gig with Dan several times since I can confirm typical of his character. He is one of the good guys.

Another real comedy good guy from my Mr Bens visits is Sully O Sullivan, Sully was the regular MC and must have seen some utter shite on that stage yet always made every effort to be friendly with the acts especially the regular ones, Sully has every right to think himself as above people, he is a superb comedian it doesn't require me to say it, yet unlike one or two other talented acts he views everyone on the same level and is incredibly easy to talk to even for a shy person who finds it difficult to consider anyone would give a shit what he has to say !

While on the subject of nice guy pro acts Pat Monahan has time for everyone, Naz Osmanaglu (I hope that is spelt correctly) similarly makes time for everyone and Jason Simmonds took time out to come pick me up from Clapham station once for a horrible gig in Barking, he then dropped me back at Victoria bus station and as he was paid and I wasn't he refused to take fuel money all while offering me encouragement and advice. Other pro acts that have to be up there are Janice Connelly who some may remember as Holy Mary from Phoenix nights or may know better as Barbra Nice, and she is more than nice, she is lovely. I would also like to mention  Karen Bayley, Steve Jameson aka Sol Bernstien, Kai Humphries, Damion Larkin, Mark Felgate and Micky Sharma all who I have gigged with just once and left an impression on me of how nice they are, the sort of people who just ooze friendly, approachable niceness!

Acts that I see regularly who are alway full of good words and seldom complain are Ross Brierely, Dave Rivers, Jo D'Arcy and Pete Foulkes. These are just nice people and it's a pleasure knowing them, there are zillions of others but these guys are just very easy to get on with and are often selfless.

There are promoters too who I find can be just as easy to get on with, Andrew and Paul nightingale at Can Comedy have always been really great guys, Jools at last laugh not only very nice guy but also full of genuine useful and constructive advice. J Musa and Steve Starkie at world of
Comedy also really really friendly guys and Paul Haslam and Mike Taylor also in my experience are good guys. I think the nicest guy of all and a but of an unsung hero is Kenny Mills at Tyldsley, an absolute gent and I doubt anyone had a bad word to say about the guy.

There are loads of others and too many for me to mention including people who don't perform or book gigs such as Mick the Photo Guy Appy Man! So every time you have an experience with someone being a dick or see a whiny, sarcastic or twatty social media post just remember there are 500 really nice people for that one nob! Oh and before you kick off with said nob or dismiss them as a waste of time (as I have in the past) try see things from their point of view, everyone who is being a bit of a dick is doing so for a reason, the reason may be that they are frustrated, insecure, uneducated or just having a bad day, so before rising to it, rise above it and try get on with everyone if you can because it's much more fun that way :)

Right I'm off to Troll on twitter, thanks for reading, spread some happy :)

Terrible, 0 stars

I'm a bit late getting this blog out as I have my bi weekly on a Wednesday target. This is because I was waiting for a review to come in and decided to blog about comedy reviews.

The subject of reviews came up a few times last week just coincidentally as each time it was with different acts coming from a different viewpoint. I don't see reviews as a particularly important part of comedy unless it is from a critic who knows their stuff, but even then can a review ever really be anything more than an opinion of one person. I guess a lot depends on how a review is written and what the reviewer sees in the performance from an artistic point of view as much as the consideration as to wether the audience laughed. Steve Bennett reviews a lot of comedy and he is one example of a person who I consider hard to please. I don't see that as a negative thing, Steve must have seen every knob joke, every racist granny joke, every dyslexia joke (I have one, I hate it but people laugh) every type of comedy in some way or another will have been performed in front of someone like Steve and so with good reason he is harder to please. Being harder to please does not mean he is necessarily correct as he would have to review from his own point of view as much as one of a man who can see the skill in a comedians performance.
Steve recently reviewed Harriet Dyer, Harriet is easily one of my favourite acts, I have only seen her twice but I bloody love what I saw. The review was favourable and spot on, this is a review Harriet deserved and can be proud to show off because Steve knows his stuff. I know that Dave Twentyman was referred to as merely a club comic (or words to that affect, I have not seen the actual review)
Dave is another of those acts I just can't praise enough. He doesn't need my praise because audiences all over the country laugh hard and loud at his incredible work, yet my understanding is that his reviews by Steve Bennett have been less favourable (I must stress this is based on a post about snobbery in comedy, an interesting read, and not from me having seen a review of Dave Twentyman by Steve Bennett) disclaimer aside I understand that Steve Bennett may view Dave Twentyman differently and there is nothing wrong with that as any reviewer is entitled to their viewpoint but that does not make the review correct. If you have not seen Dave at work go now and make that right he is a joy to behold.
The concern I have with less than favourable reviews is that they may hinder progress, someone like DT may find it difficult to move into corporate work for example based on a review.
This is not really fair as acts can be considerably better (or in fact worse) than a review suggests.

At my level, well I say my level, I don't really know what my level is, I am now picking up weekly paid work yet still trying to impress a lot of promoters, I am closing more and more and MCing more and more yet if still say I'm an open spot, one of those more experienced but still easy to exploit open spots!
But anyway at my level reviews tend to mean much much less, the reviewer is usually a blogger or a student who has little experience of the world of stand up. Now this doesn't mean their opinion is not valid, anyone's opinion is valid, well anyone but racists, ok racists and homophobes. Oh and sexists, xenophobes and fascists.... Basically if your a phobe or an ist, or a politician you are totally valid in your opinion, the difference only is you may miss the art or the point of an act you review or give someone a great review who was performing tired themes (seriously people stop making Fritzl jokes.... No it's not too soon)

The thing is I wouldn't want reviewers to stop as how would you even begin to get experience, Steve Bennett was wet behind the ears at one point. I just think acts that have brilliant reviews should enjoy them and take all the positives and confidence from them yet those who had bad ones should not allow it to cause them any distress or loss of confidence as it is the view of one person who may be wrong.

I think if you are a reviewer you should continue to be honest, yes I just said you may be wrong but now I'm going to contradict myself and say you can never be wrong as it is your point of view (unless you're an Ist or a phobe, you're definitely wrong if you're one of them)

It's this contradiction that is why I think acts should not take any kind of review good or bad too seriously, if you get a string of great reviews that is of course a good sign and of course the flip side is if you constantly get bad ones you may need to look at your set then, certainly if the reviews say your are an ist or a phobe! But I'm nearly 400 gigs in now and I've only had 3 reviews so how likely it is that you will get a long list of bad or good ones I'm not sure.

I feel as I come to the end of this blog like I'm taking away the need for reviewers of any experience level, I'm not, please keep going to comedy and giving us needy attention starved stage junkies a sense of what you thought, but please try spell the acts name right. In fact do something I never do, use correct grammar and proof read for typos too then it makes us feel that you really care if if the review says "this guy should quit comedy immediately then remove his tongue so no one else ever has to hear the crap that falls head 1st out of his halitosis laden mouth, then to be certain he does not try emulate lost voice guy or the boy with tape on his face he should tie rocks to his feet and go swimming, in a pyroclastic river, I will award him as many stars as there are in the celeb jungle thing.... Zero"

I think really all I'm saying is reviews are nice to read and always will be a part of comedy, but as an act you should not really worry about them because all acts just want to make their audience laugh and some are really good at it others need a little more work.

Before I go (I have a review to write) I mentioned I have been reviewed 3 times, 2 lovely and one..... Well I don't really know what to make of it, the reviewer seemed to miss my point about homophobia suggesting my set was about religion and seems to suggest my apparent on stage confidence is not merited! Oh and jeans, shirt and jumper with flatcap is an unusual look, ha I guess it is but it's my look and was before I started comedy. I will class this as a bad review mainly due to the closing comment but it was 4 stars from 5 so not all bad, feel free to have a read and note my new name :)
The link is here but for some reason invisible, clic in this general area! http://altlinc.co.uk/2014/02/18/comedy-zing/#more-318

I will close now by saying, I am not as really as needy as I made out.... Erm can you all follow me on twitter so it looks like I have fans? @jimbayes thanks, I'm not needy though really I'm not.

Creative idiot

I seem to have started the year with moans and groans about my experiences in comedy, it was not my intention to grumble, the wankers of the industry are so few that allowing them to bother me is more my own insecurities showing than it is their twattiness!!
I do have one gripe this fortnight though, its just an issue with a promoter... why charge £6 in, sell 80 tickets totaling £480 then only pay £30 for a headliner and 2 other acts £20 meaning over £400 profit?? think about it and pay a little more, maybe even book a more experienced act as the budget that you have created yourself could make for an awesome night!

Anyway lets stay away from my gripes and talk about how much i'm enjoying this year so far. Comedy has always been something I have been a fan of but it was never something I thought I could do, I watch the young comedians I gig with and see so many wonderful talented people, people who have such wonderful creative minds and can twist the world to tell a story that 'normal' people would miss. I am in awe of some of these comedians, how they can make a room sit up and listen, bring an audience to life. I don't view myself as one of them, I view myself as an outsider trying to break this comedy lark, trying to learn every thing I can from those of differing experiences.

I like to see how the new acts doing their 1st or 4th or 8th gig try piece things together much like I did when I was at that many gigs. If any of them ask me for assistance finding gigs I'm more than happy to help, why not. never know when I may need their help either.

I love watching experienced acts make this art from look easy and if I can pick their brains for tips, advice or criticism of what i'm trying to do. Some respond some don't its all fine. I just feel the same awe of all acts that create something wonderful and bring laughter. I don't mind if the laughter comes from a place where there is no life lesson as much as it fascinates me when someones comedy makes me think differently. I like comedy that does not make victims of anyone, comedy that can be from the heart of the person delivering it and we are laughing with them and not at someone. It's hard for me to view myself as anything other than a slobering northern idiot who wants to be funny on purpose because of all those times being funny by accident made me want to self harm!

For me the writing process is not particularly skilled (no shit, Jim... you mean that flat cap joke was created by a formula that no one else could come up with????)
I'm trying to write in a way that no one else could write, comedy that comes from things in my life and no one can say they had that exact experience but everyone can relate to what I'm saying. I want to kind of work my audiences mate persona too with a nice mix of accessible jokes and references to everyday things.

Now I start with an idea, I write the narrative of the idea without any intentional jokes, then I go over it and try place as many jokes and word plays and side stories or afterthoughts as possible. I may take the comedy rule book out and go looking for things I can call back to or turn into rule of 3, maybe anthropomorphism can pop in somewhere or stick in some misdirection... it all stinks of schooled comedy but for every 20 mins I write only 2 mins are any good and then the writing transfers to the stage where things can be tweaked, twisted or changed in order to suit.
i sometimes write in the voice of comedians I like then alter what I have written to my voice. The best example of this was when I wrote a while back about buying a sofa, this was written in Rhod Gilbert voice and altered to suit me, you can still see the influence from the Welsh mirth maker but it also is very much Jim Bayes. I also write with my Yorkshire accent in mind, the plan to bring together some stereotypes of being a Yorkshireman from a small place like Otley with some normality that anyone with any accent could do.

I have challenged myself to write an hour show, I took this to Hull comedy festival in November and realised it was not even nearly good enough, I have gone back to the drawing board and have re written parts and added bits too making this hopefully a much tighter show for when I present it again on Feb 7th and 8th for James Hardy.  

I want to have a solid 20 after all of this is done and maybe even a strong 30 mins so I can pick up more and more paid work because as nice as it is to be getting the paid work I am I still wish to be more bookable. My solid 3 that I currently have is a good foundation!!!

I have been careful to write into my opening few minutes several types of joke so I can try gauge an audience. I open with a cheesy joke, have a slightly filthy one, a visual joke, a wordplay and a self depreciation one with a new joke that requires a bit of thought too. I have found starting this way helpful for me to see who laughs at what. I also have had to really work on talking slower and enunciating better.

I feel relaxed now almost every time I go up on stage, not that I am convinced I will do well but that if I don't its not something I should worry about, I will be at 2 years since I started next month so I am still very new and don't need to rush (hearing that Norman Lovett, Frank Skinner and John Bishop were all 32 when they started, same as I makes me feel comfortable too even if comedy has become much more difficult)

Writing with others is the best way to write I find too, the things you miss that others can give you are sometimes so obvious you become blind to them. a group of around 3 works best and just chatting with a Dictaphone is the most fluid way but everyone is different.
I mean I say all this but to be fair I write loads and then just look at it and decide its all shite, set fire to my pen, feed the paper to a dog and when the dog shits it out it is somehow better!!!

I have been enjoying the creative process this month as much as the performing side in reality, and this is why I know I would love to do this as a full time job some day. Another reason I want to do this as a job are nights like last Saturday at Pazaz in Hull. I have stopped using this blog to talk about individual gigs but Saturday needs special mention after a great week of gigs including opening Thursday in Manc, doubling Friday in York at 2 lovely gigs then having a nice gig in Winsford Sunday. Saturday was electric though, I was MCing and it was a strong line up in the new act sense. I started out a touch ropey myself but Nick Clarke (remember fingerless nick from earlier blogs) opened strongly with new material too. The night just got better and better as each act came up and knocked it out the park and my rapport with the audience grew to the point I felt I could have said anything and they would have laughed, they were really in the mood to have a good time!! I also enjoyed watching everyone else as Theresa Farlow, Martin Smith, Andy Woolston, Maxine Jones, Frasco Fools and headliner Steve Rimmer each brought the house down in particular the fools with one woman nearly passing out from laughing so much at them! Billy Lowther captured this night in photo's too. It was just such great fun being involved in this I wish all gigs were this much fun.

I have a busy 2 weeks coming up, I may have plenty more on the creative side of things to discuss next time, or maybe I will be back to being a winy little boy!! either way I am looking forward to things more than ever

White middle class male comedian

I'm a little late this fortnight in reaching for my laptop (I can't afford an IPad I'm a comedian for gods sake I can barely afford food) but this is a good thing as I have once again forced myself to write and found I'm a little better at it when I'm both on a deadline and a touch angry.

My anger has come from a number of things that have left me wondering if I'm just wrong and should shut up or if I'm right and should scream louder.

Anger is a great source of entertainment in a kind of morbid curiosity way, you want to see what's gone wrong much like when there has been a car crash on the motorway you have to have a look and sit back thinking that would never happen to you, so I will write about my anger and as readers you can decide if I'm angry for nothing or if I'm right to feel a little annoyed at the world.

Let's start with the reason I am writing to a deadline , well I have a solo show that is an hour long and is going on a mini tour, it was not my idea to try this but now I'm doing it I'm going for it properly, so to hear people at a similar level to me in the comedy world scoff that I'm not ready for this and should not be doing it has not bothered me too much (yeah you thought that was the anger part coming up)
The reason it hasn't bothered me is because a number of acts deflect from their own insecurities by pulling apart other peoples attempts to achieve something. It's only a small number that do this but they stick out like a sore thumb and it's frustrating. To be fair though, comedy brings some very deluded people out and they can do things badly which can damage the scene slightly so the self policing has it's uses, I just wish people did not use the one upmanship that they do although it is not the source of my anger. No the part of this that angered me was that some acts feel it is ok to talk to someone like shit just because they disagree with them. It's a world of ego's and character traits that makes comedians believe that they are above everyone in some cases (again a small amount but it's those that stand out)

One thing I see is acts using social media to belittle things that other acts do, this is covering up insecurities and creating an appearance that the act does not care about how well they are doing when of course they do but they may fail and admitting they were trying in the 1at place when they have failed is defeat to them.... STOP IT! Please just stop it (I was one of the people doing this but I have altered my stance and yes I'm trying really hard and it will hurt if I fail but I'm human I might fail... In fact statistics don't look good for me but I'm still trying!

So the way some acts are with each other has angered me, another thing that has caused me some anger is the way people treat each other. It's nothing new it's just something I am allowing to effect (or affect my English skills are not what they should be) me more maybe as I'm older. I'll start with my own personality, I used to be homophobic, sexist, racist with an air of snobbery and those were just my good traits! In some ways I still am as I'm a white middle class straight male so when I meet gay people, black people, women and those deemed poorer than me (I'm pretty poor but I have so much that others don't) I still think of them for the labels that they have placed on them although only in small quantities.

Now the bigotry in my head at school age very quickly left me and I have learnt not to be a total prick, but I see it everywhere and becoming a comedian has made me view the world differently meaning I read more into it. I play football for a gay friendly team, I'm one of only 5 straight guys from around 30 in the team and I went to Edinburgh to play an away match with them last week, we stayed in Edinburgh overnight and went out but as I'm skint I went home at midnight earlier than almost everyone else. When I got back to the hotel I had to be allowed into my room by the concierge as the guy I was sharing with was still out, the co concierge asked me if I'd had a good night and wher I had been, I said Habanas, CC's a d players thinking nothing of it and his face dropped, he muttered oh right the gay bars then.... It's this reaction that happens to so many gay men and women meaning they can feel inferior and it's deeply upsetting, but who am I to be upset by it? I had one small taste of this and I am able to get on with my life not subjected to hatred or even a lack of understanding not born out of hate but equally difficult to experience , I see a woman and still think about her as an object of desire for just a second or 2, it's insane but I do it, I treat women with as much respect as I can and when we talk about women in comedy I just think of them as comedians, good or bad comedians are not determined by gender, I would not judge a woman on her gender without seeing her ability to do anything that she may be capable of, perhaps my wording there is not ideal but what I'm saying is I know I view women as equal, yet I still see an attractive girl and think about her looks 1st. Race is different, I see black or Asian people no differently to anyone yet a thought in my head always niggles at me that I should be careful not to say anything racist.... So in thinking that I'm not treating this human, this person who is before me the same way I would a white person.... Aaaaaghhhhh what's going on in my mind.

There is a comedian from London, he happens to be black and his stage name is simply Russ, his Facebook name is Russ Monkeywithagunn! I have no idea why because I was too mortified to ask him when upon meeting him I walked over and went "hey, you're that Monkeywithagunn aren't you?" ... 2 passers by turned gobsmacked to see how this blantant racial attack would wind up and only then did I realise what I'd said as he shook my hand and just said yeah that's me..... But in my head I was overplaying it and I had to get away quickly... I need to stop thinking like this. I'm angry because I can't stop seeing the injustice and I'm fucking part of it! I listened to comedians comedian podcast as I always do and I heard Susan Calman break down in tears at some of her experiences and it melted me, I wanted to just cuddle her and say it's ok (she asked Stu for hug in the end and it was oddly beautiful) I have it easy being a straight, white, middle class male.
It's easy yet I'm angry, channel 4 have angered me too, I need say little but benefit street is a show where they picked the worst examples of people on benefits, benefits that so many people need to get by, to eat, to cloth themselves. Viewers who may need benefits in the future now see it as shameful and call those who claim benefits scum, they judge everyone by the extreme example shown on TV, I'm angry because since starting comedy I notice this more and I want to change the world then I look at myself doing things that I deem will make people laugh, I hear the criticicsm from a small pool of my peers and I feel utterly worthless, and this angers me. I read that comedians are all
Broken, that the successful ones display psychotic behavior, it's nonesense, the world outside of comedy is broken we just don't always see it because deep down everyone wants a happy life even if they display signs of bigotry or intolerance, I'm angry because when someone is bigoted there is no way I can approach them and make them understand why it is not how they should live. Who am I to even begin to try explain anything to anyone, I'm guilty same as many other people sharing this planet with billions of other people who may be different but are essentially all the same, I'm angry because I started out the year feeling I should become a better comedian and 2 weeks in I feel like I need to become a better man 1st. I say all this and yet I'm not even sure what will change in me, I will still go out there and try make people laugh, taking advantage of being white, straight, middle class and male wether I mean to or not. I just hope I can make sense of life and maybe twist it into at the least a good funny 5 mins that maybe shows me in a good light and not this dark place I feel I'm in at the moment.

Oh, don't worry though. I realise that may have ended a bit deep, I'm ok though, I mean. I just burnt my hand on the George foreman while making a toastie, and the toastie has cheese in it so I may have nightmares.... But I'm ok, I'm just angry that my brain is full so of this need to not treat people badly that I'm treating people badly! I may try a lighter post next time! For now confused angry comedy writing... Let's see what I produce!

A tight 10

I had wanted to talk about gong shows a little in this blog as I am back taking part in them to ease some new stuff into my set and also re introduce some older bits that work in a more low brow way.
There is no need for me to say much about gong shows really as one of my peers Jay Islaam has written a superb blog about the gong shows and I urge anyone who is reading this that has not read Jay's piece please do, it leaves me needing to say nothing about the gong show other than I will be taking part in a few this year as I work on little new elements to my set and try up my laughs per minute.

So what can I talk about?? well I will talk about being self aware is a subject I think that new comedians need to think about, what is being self aware? I often though that being aware of what I write was my strength but I'm not even sure I am clued up as to how poor my quality control may be?

I'm still a new act less than 2 years since I started performing, although thanks to a hugely busy August, September, October and November I shot past my gig target which I guess ages me as a comedian, that said, London acts scoff at my gig rate I'm sure.

I'm lucky to be in a position where I am able to gig a lot, but what is the point in gigging every other night if I can't look at myself and be critical. when I say critical I mean I mean in a constructive sense as its pointless just hating everything although characteristic of a lot of acts to be eternally self critical and not just in their work. I don't wish to dwell on the state of mind of acts as I could only really talk from my own personal experiences so to stay on topic I want to look at myself as an act. I have written hours of stuff, hours of awful stuff to get minutes of less awful stuff, I have such poor quality control but I spent 3 months watching new act nights before I 1st took to the stage back in March 2012, I saw what audiences seemed to like a tailored my writing to that, I totally forgot the 6 years of monthly pro nights I ran or the hundreds of pro nights I attended and all the brilliant acts I saw I just focused on what the audiences liked at these amateur nights and wrote to a style. This style works to a degree, I learnt how to be funny, how to use the mic and how to conduct myself on stage and off even. All this is well and good but to move through the ranks you have to identify what would work an a pro night to a more knowledgeable comedy crowd, I mean why don't open spots laugh at other open spots? because they are secretly hoping all other open spots are rubbish to clear the way for them to success? maybe but mainly because they can see the punchlines coming and the reason? because they themselves are connoisseurs and most open spots haven't yet identified the stuff that needs to be dumped and how to evolve. I haven't, i hate that but I'm trying so hard to move into the quality of stuff that makes me an in demand act. The fact I'm aware I need to work harder on material this year does not make me self aware, I have been asked to take my 1st attempt at a solo show on a mini tour. Now why would an act at my level even have a solo show? writing a quality routines is hard, writing a 20 min set very hard, so writing an hour? at my level? well be honest with yourself Jim it will not be very good, in fact I knew this so opted to only do 45 mins. This is a tall order for a new act yet I wanted to see if I could manage it.

As it happens when I watched the video back there was a very passable 25 mins. 25 mins that is passable is hardly Edinburgh worthy but at least I know and taking the show on this mini tour (small venues in Leeds Hudds Donny and Blackburn) is more a case of me trying to make it a solid enough show to go to Edinburgh.

So how much self awareness am I showing? i'm not sure but i'm at least trying to ensure some kind of quality, but another issue is the idea that I have 20 mins when the reality is that its heavily convoluted and actually only a 10 min set in reality, don't tell people you have 20 if you haven't identified that your set needs tightening.
I'm not saying this to be critical of open spots or newer acts, just that the idea they may not be aware of things that are in need of a touch up.
There are a few other things that could fall into self awareness category. A lot of acts think having 10 mins means they should prepare a 10 min set and finish the set even if audience interaction or something else means that 10 mins are up before they have finished all the prepared set. Just stick to your time even if you haven't got it all out going to 12 mins is not fair if acts later need to cut their set down. Oh and a tight 10 is not getting off stage at bang on 10 mins, its having a lot of jokes and quality stuff in your 10 mins.

Also new act who take on MC duties but make the night about themselves in many ways, they fail to spot when the audience are laughing and its prime to get an act on and feel the need to do 'stuff' between every act, don't get the acts on to a warm audience or just go on too long this another thing I feel a little self awareness would resolve. Especially as the MC is the most important act in many ways, a discussion for another post perhaps.

Acts who are edgy, dark or dirty don't have to shock people either, if that is the direction you want to go then fine, but you are not going to be Frankie Boyle, Anthony Jeselnik or Jim Jefffries straight away so maybe just reel it in a little 1st and learn the how to make people like you 1st so you have some control before going on the offensive!

I believe everyone, no matter what level you are at, how poor or great your writing and how poor or great your performing is, can make themselves a quality act if they just have a little self awareness, sadly not enough acts do and that may be all that is holding them back.