Awful but true

I vowed not to do competition comedy anymore after my attitude towards a gong show late last year saw me survive barely 70 seconds maybe because I called the audience a rowdy set of cunts mainly because they were a rowdy set of cunts!

I thought to be competing against other acts when the best comedy is when all acts smash it like one big team rather than competing against against each other is the best way for comedy to get its boom back.

I'm not sure there will be a boom of course but comedy is a bit all over the place right now and a lot of these competitions can help the stronger acts shine which is great but other acts buckle under pressure or overthink it or focus on themselves and not the night. It's not the same as the clubs I used to go to where 4 acts and a compere would one by one rip a room to bits with brilliant jokes or ridiculous silliness but competition seems to make me feel like I want acts to do badly.

That's awful but true, I never want acts to do badly and I'd love full comedy clubs every week with everyone having a great time. Too much of an ideal world that.

I died on my bumhole too! I've had about 3 gigs go like that in the past 4 weeks so I can safely say that my mind focusing on this Edinburgh set I'm writing but don't dare perform yet (it's not polished) is making me go back to hating the stuff I currently do and it's getting detrimental.

I'd beat myself up about it but in a weeks time I'll rip a gig feel great and remember that none of this matters, what's happening now is all steps on the path to death!! Ok I should be more positive, on the path to success. 

Not caring I did badly tonight feels like a turning point of its own.

J x