Saved by a French girl, gig No4

Friday 23rd March I am at home, I’m doing a little writing, tweaking really as that’s all I tend to do at the moment, I’m doing this to prepare for Tuesday’s trip to Newcastle for my 10 min open mic night slot at long live comedy. Periodically I was checking my e mail on my phone.. And facebook…I don’t know why?
I received an e mail from a chap in Teesside called Peter Vincent who runs comedy there, Peter is someone I’d struck up a brief conversation with on the North East comedy forum while seeking stage time, he sent me links and advice and although I was far too inexperienced for the night he was running at the time of the enquiry he was helpful and kept my details on file which is what lead to this e mail.
The e mail basically said Hi Jim, there is a slot at tomorrow nights Arc Gong Sat 24th would you like to have it? I responded with an emphatic yes after discussing with Vikki the logistics and as she was doing nothing if she’d like to come (she said no initially) and so the preparation I had been doing for Newcastle now became my Arc gong in Teesside preparation.

When Vik arrived home from her course that Saturday she had decided she was going to come with me which was nice as I barely ever see her. We grabbed a Mac Dee’s as there wasn’t much time to cook after I had just got in from footy and Vik as mentioned from her Masters course and off we went with no idea what was about to happen.
An hour and a half's drive later Sat Nav was telling us we had reached our destination, all I could see was a theatre, I thought to myself, one day I’ll play a theatre like that…. Turns out that day was today as this was the place!
I went and asked at box office where to go and I was shown to a sound booth where a lovely lady called Charlotte showed me to her daughter (also Charlotte) who knew where I was to be, Ma Charlotte kept Vikki company as Charlotte jnr took me to a small green room full of anxious comedians, they were anxious perhaps because like me they saw the auditorium on their way to the green room and realised this was for a lot of us the biggest crowd we’d tried to impress.
I was only on gig 4 but already there were a few familiar faces in the green room not least the MC who I met in Chester, he was Mc’ing again tonight, I liked him, he had a calm laid back almost don’t give a shit attitude but was clearly approachable and supportive. Among the others in the green room were 3 people I saw perform at Mr Bens when I was sitting in the audience trying to gauge if I could do it, plus 1 I was on the bill with at Mr Bens and a guy I was on the bill with at CSCSDC in York (who my family all enjoyed more than they enjoyed me!!)
The show would be a gong show much like the others I described with an opener who is a pro that did 20 mins after the Mc had warmed the crowd up, there were then to be 12 gong contestants. We all wrote our name down on a piece of paper and the running order was pulled from a hat.
Up 1st a local Teesider, he told me he had done 100+ gigs but hated gong shows although he would do one now and again, up next a lady who had also got a bit of experience and had done some paid work, then a guy I barely chatted with who seemed experienced but im not sure, then a young lad only 18 like me doing only his 4th gig followed by a past Mr Bens winner and eventual winner here who was the only one to get the audience on side (more on that in a moment) then me. A break followed and I lost track of the running order after me as I paid little attention to it trying to focus on my set.

The Show began and a few of us went to stand at the back of the auditorium to watch as the 2 porfessionals tried to get what was starting to prove a tough crowd warmed up. They were as far as i could see doing a great job but when it was over and 1st break due they came and sat in the green room and looked a little frustrated, before they had gone on there were jokes about how the crowd once assaulted a gong contestant for making a joke about Hummus and that there were chants of you’re shit get off, in fact one woman threw her colostomy bag on and said that’s how shit you are!!! This was all in jest…. But not a million miles from what was to happen. I must stress at this point that the organisers were clear that if the audience mis behave it wont be tolerated and that they were on our side ect, some people who were being disruptive in the 1st section were warned to be quiet and that security were watching, but there was 380 in and they were in no mood to behave.
It was almost time, I had had 3 pepsi Max’s from the rider that was provided for us and couldn’t figure out if that was why I suddenly needed to pee or nerves, Peter read the rules to us, No racism, no using blatant rip off materiel, don’t shit on the stage! Also no whimsy… I dint at this point know what whimsy meant so I kept quiet and asked Peter while I waited in the corridor to go on,basically talking badgers he said.. i twigged and felt stupid that i didnt know already! luckily no whimsy in my set.

So the 6 1st half acts were all stood in the corridor back stage, even the 3 experienced ones looked nervy, I wont mention anyone by name just to avoid offence ect that is deliberate I haven’t forgotten their names!
Up 1st and now looking more relaxed was the local guy, we all shuffled closer to listen, he started to talk about his army days, at 1st silence, then he was getting laughs…. But then it started! A card must have gone up as someone shouted, there’s a card!!! Thanks for the input but im sure he can see it, but there must have been another card up almost straight away as more shouts of Card were heard, but on he went, then someone shouted ‘you’re shit’ (he wasn’t shit) and some jeers and boo’s began, finally the 3rd card went up 3mins 30 in and he was off…. Harsh! I have seen utter shite survive gong shows and he was not utter shite!
Up next the lady who had done some small paid work, she seemed to be doing well, we could hear the laughs but again about 2.5 mins in a shout of ‘CAAARD… get off’ was heard, she carried on and a few more jeers followed but the audience seemed to have settled and thankfully she beat the gong.
Next the young lad, he was new and he was young so the crowd didn’t give him a chance, ha began to talk about how he didn’t understand porn and again the jeers and boo’s started. 3 cards went up but they never gave him a chance. Then the most chilled looking of all of us went on, again he survived the gong but amid jeers and the odd shout of ‘get off’ too which again was harsh.
5th act was preparing back stage, he put on some rubber gloves and picked up a shovel, there was only me and him in the corridor … should I be worried?? No it was part of his act, he went on stage and I heard the room change, the jeers to laughter, applause and cheers, he was nailing it….he glided through the 5 mins..a winner already?? Then it was me…. And the worse of the audience disapproval. I’m not as experienced as the guy I was following or as good (will I ever be??) I started well, its nice to hear a laugh from a crowd of 380 even though I think it was only half of them that enjoyed my 1st few jokes, I started with my weaker stuff, about where I am from in Otley and moving out, but as I got to my better stuff about half way through and 2 cards went up at the same time, and it began, Get off, you’re shit, booo, I carried on but the noise got louder and now with 90 seconds still to go it was drowning me out, I looked to the MC shall I just walk?? Gong me perhaps? But one card did not go up, a French girl had it, either she liked my jokes, she liked my Brereton style t shirt or she felt the abuse I was now getting was unnecessary but the card did not go up and the MC said carry on Jim fuck em, so I did, the final minute and a half was in audible to the jeers. I somehow survived the 5 mins.
I went back to the green room and all the 6 acts from the 1st half sat looking dishevelled and harrowed!!
The word c*nts was used a lot!! The 6 waiting to go on looked casual but worried, I likened it to being hit in the face with a shovel several times… but perhaps that would have been nicer.

News had filtered through to us though that the big group who were cheerleading the abusive chants had been kicked out (again I stress that Peter and his team were not happy with the crowd and did everything to make the room more friendly)
This didn’t change the atmosphere in the room however, the momentum built by the act before me had been destroyed by my last minute and a half and a similar reception met the next 6 with only 2 beating the gong, perhaps my fault as i was not strong enough an act to end the 1st section. The survivors were the guy I gigged with at Bens who was gonged that night which just shows how different audiences react to different materiel, also a girl from north of the border who I thought was good, she talked about foxes and the newspaper coverage of a fox related incident.
The show came to an end and the 6 survivors all were paraded back out, prior to this I was chatting in the bar to a group of people who said they enjoyed my act and thought I was harshly treated, without my asking they decided to vote for me at the clap off, (as they were saying this a bloke walking past said ‘what u on about he was shit’) ha I was not at all bothered by this or offended i know i wasnt great but i'll improve.
During the clap off my new supporters plus Vikki and Charlotte snr could all be heard along with a few others (French girl included) it put a gloss on an odd evening but as suspected the man with the shovel won the £100 prize, he deserved it. I went back to the green room to say my goodbyes although a few from the 1st act had left already (they said bye but I was at the back watching the other acts and missed them)

A surreal experience had come to an end and all the way home driving at just after midnight in the fog I felt amazing, I had really really enjoyed it despite what was described as the worst crowd at the Arc ever (i'm not sure if thats true but it made us all feel better).

Looking forward to Newcastle tomorrow now, I no longer fear bombing either, even tho it would be awful to bomb when everyone else does well it seems I have thicker skin than I thought and I don’t fear it I just hope it doesn’t happen often.