Dying on stage was something I was terrified of, well that and the sea (it's a big scary wet death ok), those and not progressing quickly enough I suppose especially given my age.
As my 4 year comedy birthday is only about 3 weeks away the fear of death is completely gone.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not afraid of falling out of aeroplanes but I'd still prefer not to.
Thing is I think I need to die a few times now in order to actually start to kick on, not only die but maybe stop wanting everyone from every demographic to like me.... It would never work out that way anyway and you could only ever have wafer thin comedy of everyone loves it.
In fact if you really want to be loved you have to be ready to be hated... I said that a few weeks back and it's a good job I meant it because there are some people out there all too ready to hate, but yknow, they are fucktards (is fucktard an insult? I called a guy dickwash in a road rage incident today, is that an insult? Telling an irate van driver "calm down dick wash" doesn't help that situation) though and I care not about the opinion of a fucktard!
I mentioned last week as my loyal readers or victims will recall had my outing at Leicester comedy festival this week.
It was the opportunity for me to really push out some of my genuine opinions as well as being honest about my battle with demons (mental ones I'm not a witch or an extra from Charmed)
It's quite amusing to me to see the reaction of an audience when I talk of the day I considered suicide compared to a joke I did about killing myself to escape a relationship, same subject totally different context and very very different reactions although the pay of when I get to the joke worked so well I could not have been more pleased that I actually turned to a guy and said "thank fuck you all laughed at that"
I also got some mileage from some of the subjects I wanted to talk more about like the freedom of speech vs the I'm so offended by everything extremes and why fat shaming works, of course trying to get my point across without bullying anyone was the difficulty.
There have been a few audiences that immediately switched off when I have brought up certain subjects or taken me literally and forgotten that they are at a comedy club and as a result I have died, I will keep on dying until I've tweaked these things so that I have enough of me and my personality in my comedy and not this fake, hide behind cheap laughter guy that I was at the start.
Leicster was nice, they were apathetic at times but I'll take that as they filled my donation box with coins (not all copper either) and even a couple of notes went in which is always nice!
I didn't die but there were parts of the set that certainly would if I don't play about with them a bit, all in all I feel it's worth while having a solo hour and this has cemented my decision to go to Edinburgh although perhaps taking a double handed instead of the full solo hour.
Best get back on the writing re writing and writing again train (there is no such train it's just a coffee shop)
J x
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