I like people, people are interesting, every person on this planet has a complex and interesting life, even that Hopkins woman, sure no one would really care if she fell into a cement mixer and some Polish immigrants made a house for an Indian family in sweaty Scotland out of her cold callous house brick body..... Just for clarity it is not I that thinks Scottish are sweaty.
I like people but I really really don't like people!! I mean if there was one or two people then I'd probably like them but when you go into a bar and there are about 4 zillion people in there and they have all had 6 jäger bombs, 5 Sambuccas 4 pints of craft lager (it's like normal lager but it's more expensive because the word craft has been added to the description) 2 real ales (ales that descended from Spanish Royalty I would guess) and a red bull (because sugar and Taurine are really good ingredients to add to this mix) then it for me becomes a bit awkward.
I've managed to get fitter than I've ever been, to that end I feel youthful, but that's where my pretence that I'm young ends. It's not helped when you enter a bar and you look like you could potentially be someone's dad there to pick them up, there are kids in there younger than a scar I got on my chin during a bar fight I got in when I was of an age that getting in a bar fight didn't terrify me!!
They are prancing around to some bloke who's clearly got an issue with female dogs and garden tools as he raps about all the bitches and hoes that he never used to have before the days he could afford to own luxurious shit such as a Rolex, then for a brief moment I get excited as a song I recognise comes on, but it's not the track I thought, just some guy shouting over the top of the music I once liked when a band in too old to remember the name of once sang over it, then next track... I find myself asking what the fuck is a rizzle kick??
When did my ability to enjoy life die? Fuck I'm not old, it's a mental state....it's not that I don't like other people, sure they are all dressed like cartoon characters and no one wears shirts and shoes anymore but that's not their fault.
It is dawning on me my social life is stand up, I'm getting old in my mind and I only like people if they are sat listening to me and laughing at the bullshit I think is funny.... Who thinks a man turning into a chicken is funny for fecks sake??
I should have known I was getting brainified (it's a word ok!) old, I know the difference between bio and non bio washing powder, I own nose hair clippers (fuck off they are useful) and I consider a nice sit down to be a thing!
This week is party week, my social life had been negotiating road works and 50 mile and hour speed restrictions listening to Stuart Goldsmith... I'm not equipped to handle busy rooms but as a comedian (of sorts, on can we just assume that I'm a comedian in the basis that I do comedy??)
It's been easier to hide away in the back, show off for 20 mins then piss off home for a nice sit down!
Thing is, I bumped into a former Leeds based act the other day while Christmas shopping, he was so bloody happy!! I mean a million miles from the guy I knew as an act, really happy, like he smiled and it wasn't forced and he even looked like he's been in a bed with a real girl recently!!
I heard a rumour a notoriously hard work act has recently married and will be quitting stand up too because he's happy.... Is this it, do I need to be miserable? You don't have to be happy to quit comedy but do you have to quit comedy to be happy? Nah I doubt that.
I can do miserable but I'm going to go to these Christmas parties, try my bleeding hardest to talk to people without yawning, zoning out or moving the subject to myself as quickly as possible and I'm going to drink some fecking whisky (I have no ideas how to drink whisky but I'm about to learn so I can at least look distinguished rather than old!!) and I'm going to make sure that happy Jim can still be comedy Jim.
J x
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